I Shouldn't Kill You Yet
by plannedbyReaperLight
Summary: I have to get out of here—Kira has gone completely insane! And what the hell is he wearing? Songfic based on "Skullcrusher Mountain." Light x L slash
1. Welcome to My Secret Lair

**A/N:** _I do not own Death Note or Jonathan Coulton's "Skullcrusher Mountain"_

_This is "Skullcrusher Mountain" (remove the spaces): __http : / / www . youtube. com / watch? v=iob2 _ 8ey MK8_

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**Chapter 1 Welcome to My Secret Lair **

L shivered as he awoke (he'd been asleep?) He was lying on something soft (maybe some sort of cushion?) and he felt an odd sensation something solid and cold around his neck—a collar? Yes, that's the only thing it could be, a metal collar. L stoically pushed down his rising panic as he tried to grasp the last thing he remembered before he blacked out...

Fangs. That hideous, demonic face grinning at him as it snagged him in it's claws like a ragdoll and flown right out the window of taskforce headquarters, carrying him far above the night city. It's claws gripped him so tightly they drew blood but that physical pain didn't even register under the absolute terror of being completely at the mercy of the monster...

No. That was just a nightmare. It had to be. There was no way that _thing_ could be real...

_But... Shinigami do exist._

L had met Rem when they captured Higuchi. But that _thing_ that had stolen him was so much more hideous that L was uncertain that they could really belong to the same species...

Perhaps he had just been through some traumatic experience and his mind had just filled in the gaps and unhelpfully replacing the face of the perpetrator with a demonic fiend.

After all, this chain around his neck suggested he must have been kidnapped, most likely by a human perpetrator. Well, L was trained to survive in a situation like this. He kept his eyes closed and his breathing steady. He didn't want to give his captor(s)? any indication that he was awake.

L slowly became aware of voices in the background. One sounded angry and the other was pleading.

L soon realized the angry voice was...

_Light...?_

L's eyes snapped open on their own accord.

It was indeed Light; lounging with casual arrogance on an ornate throne while having a "discussion" with world leaders via laptop.

And what the hell was he wearing?

L almost gave himself away by laughing out loud. It looked like he decided to play dress up with mother's castoffs or something. He was wearing this big, red flowing robe trimmed with ornate gold jewelry, a matching red cape (seriously?) draped dramatically over the side of the throne. L was sure he must have picked his outfit to try and look menacing but really the overall effect just made him look like he was dressing in drag.

L quickly surveyed the situation. It appeared they were in a vast cavern that had been converted into a palace (_how and by who? Kira largely works alone; he's anonymous to his followers...?_)

From the look of it; Misa must have picked out the décor—it was all skull motifs and gothic tones.

Or perhaps not, L thought as he eyed what he would forever after mentally refer to as Light's dress.

Another odd thing L noticed was that Light was wearing black leather gloves and while L found it a bit drafty in here that was mainly due to the fact that he had been stripped of everything but his boxer shorts. (Obviously he doesn't want to just kill me. he wants to humiliate me first...) It was not cold enough to warrant gloves. And really what was the point of trying to hide evidence like fingerprints in a place like this where he was basically announcing "welcome to my evil lair?" Which meant... was he hiding something? Did something happen to his hands? And exactly who was he trying to impress by playing dress up? L causally scanned the room and didn't see anyone else around. L doubted that the people on the other end of his conference could see him either; seeing as he was using a voice filter.

"I'm so sorry, Kira-sama!" L overheard one of the men Light was communicating with... in all likelihood begging for his life.

Yes, L could now be fairly confident that the Kira percentage was at one hundred percent.

This saddened him more than he expected. Because though L knew Light was Kira all along the teen had... grown on him, especially in these last few months. After confinement and the mock execution test Light had been a wreck. It was L who held and comforted the younger man when he awoke in the middle of the night, screaming and shivering from night terrors. On many such occasions Light couldn't get back to sleep unless L stopped what he was doing to, for lack of a better word, _cuddle_ with his suspect, pet him, assure him he was alive and real. L allowed the Yagami boy to become close (perhaps too close) because ultimately if Kira became... dependent on him, Stockholmed; that could only benefit the investigation... But it was also the first time L had doubts about his theory. Because he had thought Kira, Light, was just like him—(damaged) efficient. He wouldn't let human emotions get in the way of his goals because he was nigh incapable of feeling them.

The Kira L knew would never allow him to get this close.

Then one early morning they got the news that Light's family had been murdered in a home invasion robbery... and Light had seemed so _human_. L had murmured awkward apologies, condolences, and hushes to the wet mess that was shuddering against his shoulder and for a moment L found himself hoping his theory was wrong. That Light really wasn't Kira...

But even so L never expected that Kira, that _Light_, would do something so brazen. Kira seemed to be more the type content to kill, and to _rule_, from the shadows...

Well maybe that was why... A guy who thinks killing thousands of people is a good idea can't be that stable to begin with—and Light always did seem to genuinely care about his family. Maybe that and whatever mechanism made him Kira again led to full on psychotic break? (Which did not bode well for L's current situation...) But it was all guess work at this point. L normally didn't concern himself with the psychological wellness of the people around him unless it was for a case... Or they were his crazed stalkers like B...

And now apparently Kira.

Really, what had he done to deserve this?

Light hadn't seemed to notice he was awake yet, his attention focused intently on his laptop. L's eyes followed the chain that bound his neck and did a double-take when he saw that it ended in a cuff attached to Light's right wrist. It was the same cuff L used to keep Kira close to him, just slightly modified so that the chain was attached to his collar. Was this Kira's revenge then?

Was he going to just keep him as a—

"Well you tell your government that I am very displeased with how they are handling that situation. Slavery? Human trafficking? What century are we living in?"

"We're very sorry, Lord Kira!"

Light smirked. Some days it felt damned good being a walking deterrent.

"Don't apologize, _fix it!_ You have a month to get your act together or I else I will intervene..." Light began when he felt the chain on his wrist shift ever-so-slightly. "Excuse me, I've got another call," Light said as he put the U.N. on hold (and left the leaders in question to piss themselves) as he turned his attentions to his captive. "Ryuuzaki? You're awake!"

L gaped as "Lord Kira" enthusiastically hopped down from his throne to embrace him in a move that was most genuinely affectionate. "Thank God, I was so worried!" L couldn't stop his trembling as he was glomped by the murderer.

L froze, too shocked to even react. He knew the implications of what he had heard from Light's conversation. Light was Kira again and somehow while he was unconscious, Light had made a move and brought the entire world to its knees. Well he was already holding the world hostage before but now he was being far bolder in issuing proclamations to world leaders, telling them this was the way things were going to be done... or else.  
>Meaning Kira had either completely snapped and his end was coming soon (for some reason that thought depressed L despite it being everything he was driving for) or he was absolutely sure he could pull it off (this idea also depressed L since it meant the situation was hopeless).<p>

Meanwhile as L breathed in Light's scent as he held him tightly for an indeterminate amount of time, L had to remind himself that this wasn't the Light he had gotten to know, not the boy he had (unintentionally) gotten so close to. This was Kira hugging him so close. Kira's hand in his hair and on his back...

_Kira..._

Light was taken aback when L started screaming.

"Ryuuzaki?"

L began to lash out like a cornered animal Light stepped back and tried to keep the detective at arm's length, pinning him with just one hand.

"Hey, settle down-you'll hurt yourself!"

In their earlier fights L had effortlessly kicked Light across the room. But this wasn't a fight. Light just stood there and attempted to keep the other away while making soothing sounds as if trying to comfort a distraught child. L managed to squirm around positioning his body so he could deliver unto Light a hard kick in the chest—which he did. However this did not have the desired effect. L howled in pain. It felt like he had mashed his foot into an incoming truck. Light didn't even flinch.

Light sighed. "I told you! Now see what you've done?"

L collapsed to the ground in pain, his foot jutted grotesquely at an odd angle. The pain was so intense that he didn't even register anything. After an undetermined amount of time, L regained his senses to find Light was kneeling beside him, pulling off one of his long black gloves. L was so shocked at the sight that for a moment he even forgot the utter agony he was in. The gloves had concealed what had become of Light's hands—they were now twisted and black, and ending in wicked talons. (Not unlike the thing, the Shinigami, that had brought him here.)  
>L's thought process began to breakdown as Light... (Kira... MONSTER!) leaned in close, his heart was rattling against his rib cage as he tried to stifle another embarrassing scream. Even so a scared whimper came through.<p>

Light eyed him critically. "Ryuuzaki. This isn't like you."

L was usually so calm, even in the face of certain death. (Ryuuzaki was his rock, his center...)

This must have been Ryuk's doing—he should have known better! Dammit he was _there_ when they learned that L was terrified of Shinigami. It didn't matter that the Shinigami was only trying to please him—Light decreed in his head that there would be most definitely "no-apples" in the immediate future.

"Shhhh..."

L shrunk away but Light grabbed him with those twisted claws and held him down in an iron grip.

"I'm _trying_ to help you. Trust me... please?"

L had half a mind to kick him in the face with his broken foot but that urge was currently being overruled by the pain. He trembled in fear as Light leaned down and literally kissed and made it better. There was an eerie ambient red glow around them but the pain disappeared. L stared, unnerved when he saw how Light's eyes had turned a violent shade of crimson and become slitted like those of a cat... or _snake._

_Monster._

L noticed how Light staggered a bit as he got to his feet. Whatever that was he just did, it had weakened him... L took the opportunity to lash out again. In his haze of desperate fear, embarrassment, and rage he had apparently forgetting how he injured his foot in the first place.

"Ingrate!" Light hissed rubbing his jaw where L had kicked him as L crumpled to the ground, screaming in agony, having broken his foot again.

"You know, it is not wise to pick a fight with a God," Light admonished in a soft lilting tone.

He gave an exasperated sigh as he sat down beside where L was curled up in a fetal position on the floor. "I suppose it's something you'll never learn. But then that's what I love about you…" L groaned. Light gently messaged his forehead. "Ryuuzaki, I'll heal you again... but you have to promise not to hurt yourself again." Light pleaded as he searched those wide black eyes for something resembling intelligence (and the L he knew). "Do you promise?"  
>L finally nodded when the pain became unbearable. He watched critically as that red light surrounded them again. Whatever Light was doing, it took the pain away and L could feel the surrounding tissues healing, the bones reknitting and then Light broke away, looking deathly pale, and wracked with a long coughing fit. L's wide-eyes widened further when he saw Light try to hide the blood that trickled down from his lips, wiping it away quickly with his blackened hands. L finally found his voice as he stared up into those freakish blood-red eyes.<p>

"What've you done to yourself?"

Light smiled pleasantly but ignored the question in favor of clasping his deformed hands together enthusiastically as he exclaimed "Now, you must be hungry. Shall we have dinner? I had them get cake just for you!"

L rolled his eyes and muttered "As if I have a choice."


	2. I See You Met My Assistant Scarface

**A/N: _I own NOTHING!_**

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**Chapter 2 I See You Met My Assistant Scarface**

Light pulled insistently on the chain and L was forced to follow him down a series of poorly lit labyrinthine hallways. The monotonous dark of the walls occasionally broken up by a torch or the periodic bone white, arching columns that seemed to grasp for the ceiling with skeletal hands. L once again determined that Misa must have picked out the furnishings at Ikea's answer to Hot Topic and then hired Skelletor to be their interior decorator. They walked on in silence through yet more corridors (Just how big was this place?) when L's curiosity finally got the better of him.

"Light-kun, what was that? How did you-?"

"Heal you? Oh, it's nothing. I've just learned to channel lifespan. I'll be fine by the way once I've written a few names-"

L stopped in his tracks, mouth agape in horror. Light paused too and slowly turned, his eyes still had a reddish cast to them and they rolled in a slow, mad way to lock gazes with L. A devilish grin was plastered across his face as he elaborated "Yes, I have to kill more people in order to heal you. So I would ask that you don't do that again."

"As if you wouldn't kill them anyway!" L hissed.

An odd look passed over Light's face. To L it almost seemed like he had once again become the boy he had come to know when they were chained together and he had a look that seemed to express something akin to regret.

"I'm glad, Ryuuzaki..." Light said softly.

L continued to stare unblinkingly at this peculiar metamorphosis. Was that an actual tear in his eye? Just what was going on here?

"I missed talking to you, my friend."

"Friend?" L spat back in quiet fury. "I know I may not be too experienced on this but I'm fairly sure _friends_ don't..."

"I know. I'm sorry. But I'm glad you're back. I was afraid Ryuk had traumatized you speechless with that little stunt of his."

L suddenly froze in terror upon hearing the sound of flapping wings. An instant later the creature was looming above them, grinning with its mouth full of shark-like teeth. L couldn't help but whimper in fear. It was indeed the thing that kidnapped him… Not even Kira terrified L as much as the Shinigami.

After all, Kira was the devil he knew...

"HEY LIGHT!" the thing chirped gleefully in its gravelly voice.

"Ryuk," Light growled through gritted teeth.

"So... like the gift I got'cha?"

Light watched with concern how L shrunk away; sinking into a trembling ball on the floor behind him. "I never asked you to!" Light snapped at the creature.

"Ah, come on. It was obvious what you wanted what with the way you brood without him. It's no fun for me you know, watching you pine away for your lover. Well it was funny in the beginning but it got old. And it was so easily remedied..." the monster chattered on, oblivious to Light's rising temper and L's peaked interest as he absorbed this fascinating new information.

"Did you know you cry for him in your sleep? Well... when you have those interesting dreams. You know, the ones where you get the bed all sticky that make watching you sleep worth while... So, right, you've got L... you screwin' him yet?"

L again shivered as he was reminded of his current predicament. That's why he was brought here, half-naked and chained. He was intended to be some sort of... _toy _for Kira.

"Get out!" Light snarled.

The Shinigami only snickered as he could almost see the vein popping in Light's forehead.

Light ignored the Shinigami and crouched down next to L, grabbing him by the chin and forced him to look him in the eye.

"Ryuuzaki, I'm really sorry. Ryuk acted on his own," Light turned to glare angrily at the Shinigami, looking him right in the bulging eye "and though he just did it to please me it was WRONG and there will be grievous consequences."

"Oh really? Like what?"

"Of the no-apple kind."

"Hey, wait a minute that's not fai—" The Shinigami stopped it's whining mid-sentence when Light shot him another death glare. L watched bemused as the monster slunk away.

"Again, I'm sorry this happened. I hadn't figured out how to invite you here yet and honestly being without you was kind of driving me mad..." Light laughed... too loudly. L refrained from comment and only stared at the madman. All the while L never ceased calculating how he might escape all of this... he had yet to find a feasible solution.

"I know he looks disturbing but he's mostly harmless..." Light chattered on about his pet monster.

"Mostly harmless..." L repeated in a deadened tone. "It's a Shinigami!"

"Yeah, but we're cool. He's a real sweetheart when you get to know him."

After a drawn-out awkward silence Light elaborated. "Look, I know his appearance is quite disturbing but as you can see he's really just a big doofus..."

L was slightly unnerved by the look in Light's eye as he added ominously "And he gives me such nice things..." Light turned away, thankfully ending his creepy attempt at friendliness as he announced (arms spread wide in a grandiose gesture) "and he found this place for me!"

"This place?" L prompted in a deadened tone.

"Oh, come now, Ryuuzaki, you know I can't give away our location but here's a useful hint—in the Shinigami's language it's called Skullcrusher Mountain."

"Charming."

"Yeah, I'm not too happy with the name but what'cha gonna do? It suits my purposes well enough. We'll be safe here."

"Safe?" This was obviously a new definition of the word "safe" he wasn't previously aware of. The metal collar chaffed at L's neck. He grabbed hold and jingled the chain for effect, the vibrations going up the other three feet that terminated at Light's wrist.

"Hey it was your idea, Ryuuzaki. I just want you where I can see you. But I promise, Ryuuzaki, you are safe here. I will definitely protect you!"

"Light-kun should not make promises he will not keep."

"I mean every word. I assure you my intentions are noble."

L was anything but assured because even as Light said it, when he smiled he bared the slightest hint of fangs. L remembered how monstrous Light looked earlier when he used his powers and, even now, if he looked deep enough L could see a crimson luminescence deep within Light's eyes—he looked vaguely like the monsters that flitted around this place.

_No, Light IS a monster. He is Kira. And he doesn't seem to realize where noble intentions got him so far._

L thought as he huddled away, trying to avoid brushing against the occasional pillar of spikes that meandered up the infernal walls of Kira's stereotypical villain lair. L half-expected to see a fountain of lava somewhere...

"Come on," Light tugged on the leash, leading his "guest" to the grand dining hall.

Again, L had no choice but to follow as they entered the dining hall. L became slightly bemused. Seriously. He really was feeding him? _'No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!'_

This room, like all the others was extravagant with gothic décor. In the center of it was a long feasting table that appeared to be carved right into the living rock of the floor.

The chairs were spaced far apart and made to isolate the diners giving an overall feel of austerity and loneliness. The chain they were bound by wasn't nearly long enough. L figured he would be forced to sit on the floor, but to his surprise Light pulled out the head chair for L to crouch upon and simply stood beside him. L's eyes lit up involuntarily the second they walked in the room, as they set upon the table—it was piled high with sweets. L hadn't had sugar for hours—not since he passed out in mortal terror—after a nanosecond of deliberation the detective attacked a strawberry-shortcake with great fervor.

Light smiled as he watched L eat. "You're so cute, L." L startled and froze when he heard his captor speak. In the ecstasy brought on by cake, L had nearly forgotten about Light and his current situation. Light was suddenly much too close, lightly trailing a sharpened nail beneath the detective's chin, L had to quash the visceral urge to bite Light's finger off as he dared to touch his person—the earlier incident where he tried the violent approach was still fresh in his mind. Light grinned and the fingers trailed up to wipe away some rogue whipped topping that had somehow got on the detective's nose. Kira then withdrew and coyly licked the cream from his fingers. L was thrown by this bizarre behavior.

_Light doesn't even like sweets! There can only be one reason why... _Perhaps his first assessment wasn't too off the mark after all. L cast a furtive glance at the killer to see him smirking diabolically at him. L scowled. He would give almost anything to wipe that smug look off his face...

_"LIIIIIIIIGHT-O!"_

...Okay, anything but that.

L could only watch as if in slow motion a sudden blur of blonde tackled his captor to the ground. The detective might have found that more amusing had the chain not pulled taut and he swiftly followed; joining them in a heap of tangled limbs on the floor.

"...Ryuuzaki." Misa grumbled, as if just noticing the man chained to _her _Light.

"Hello Misa-chan." L looked questioningly down at Light who he had landed on "I'm surprised she's still alive," L said in a rather loud whisper.

Light looked disgusted at the suggestion but before he might offer a comment Misa answered for him.

"Stupid Ryuuzaki! Light would never do that!" Misa cried shrilly as she pulled at L's hair.

"Misa, enough! Ryuuzaki is our guest, remember? Is that how we treat our guests?"

L rolled his eyes. "Light-kun is one to talk."

"You see! He started it...I—"

"Misa!" Light scolded.

Misa looked dejected. "I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki." Misa apologized humbly, sounding very sincere and then proceeded to shoot him daggers when Light's back was turned. L applauded Misa's amazing acting talents.


	3. Chapter 3

**NOTICE**

I apologize in advance for spamming and I apologize to everyone who thought they were getting an update. I usually don't do the whole author note chapter thing but I thought it was the best way to get the word out before my account gets deleted.

After ten years of no enforcement fanfiction . net is suddenly going to start enforcing a "no sex and violence" policy:  
>www . change petitions  fanfiction – net – stop – the – destruction – of – fanfiction – net ? utm_campaign =friend _ inviter _ modal & utm_medium = facebook&utm _ source = share_petition

I'm here frequently on fanfiction . net but I only just heard about this, so I figured it was important to get the word out.

I checked and the only warning on fanfiction . net I could see was a single note on fanfiction . net's homepage:  
>"June 4th 2012 - Notices: ◦Please note we would like to clarify the content policy we have in place since 2002. follows the Fiction Rating system ranging from Fiction K to Fiction M. Although Fiction Ratings goes up to Fiction MA, since 2002 has not allowed Fiction MA rated content which can contain adultexplicit content on the site. only accepts content in the Fiction K through Fiction M range. Fiction M can contain adult language, themes and suggestions. Detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature is considered Fiction MA and has not been allowed on the site since 2002."

I know I don't exactly comb through mine for content and just rate it all M. But no doubt the vague descriptions of gay sex within these stories will offend the moral guardians.

Though I have to wonder what's left after you delete all the stories with sex and violence. There goes the Death Note fandom! And what about a fandom like... Saw?

If you don't think this applies to you then ask yourself, does your story:

Have action scenes?

Have romance scenes?

Mention a song?

**If you answered yes to any of those it is at risk of deletion.**

Or to put it another way would your story make a good episode of Sesame Street?

If yes you're probably safe but if no you may want to consider copying it over to another site.

Even if you don't think this applies to you it's still a good idea to have backups and considering they're going to suddenly start cracking down now after ten years of nothing they may be overzealous in their censorship. It would be a shame if a beautiful story is lost forever just because it says a naughty word.

So please move your stuff, copy your favorites before this goes into effect!

Some suggested sites:

livejournal . com

archiveofourown . org

deviantart . com

adultfanfiction . net

As for me, I will continue to write and update my stories—just not on fanfiction . net.

You can find me on Livejournal and archiveofourown. org as reaperlight and plannedbyreaperLight on deviantart . com

I would like to thank everyone, all of my readers and reviewers, for all their help and support and all the other writers out there keep on writing awesome stories!


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